I have started blogging at a new site… Scattering Flowers.
It is still a work in progress right now, so please excuse my dust! This site will remain here. I will slowly be moving my old posts over to the new site, but it will take me some time.
Come see me!
My last shift included some interesting examples. One fellow, who I think was trying to flirt with me - in front of his wife and kids no less - insulted my vocabulary. I told him that I *anticipated* his margarita would be ready soon. He replied, “That’s a big word for you.” Seriously? I didn’t know how to respond. “Do I look that stupid”, I wanted to say? “Do YOU think that’s a big word, because I don’t.” Of course I didn’t say those things. I think I mumbled something about it not being that big of a word while walking away bewildered.
Then there was the mustard guy. This guy, and there are lots of them, think that they are the only customers in the restaraunt. Their needs must be taken care of immediately, regardless of who else might require my assistance. It didn’t matter that I had 16 other guests who were all asking me for things - and before him, I might add - he wanted his extra side of mustard yesterday. When he didn’t get it as quickly as he thought he should have, he followed me into the kitchen (where I was actually waiting for his mustard) and started screaming at me about his mustard. Where was his mustard? Why was it taking so long? He was going to throw his hamburger in the trash now because it was no good without 6 tbs of mustard. And he did. He threw his burger and fries in the trash and demanded that his meal be free and that he get coupons for a free meal the next time he came in. And he got it, because managers really have no choice but to give customers whatever they want, no matter how riduculous.
Then the new manager messed up the order for one of my tables - twice. And blamed me for it. She rang it in the computer, and she told the cooks what to do, but it was my fault. Clearly, my fault.
So what? Why am I ranting about not being appreciated in the job that I chose to perform? I chose that job because the hours work best for my family. I chose it, even though I don’t like it. Kind of like Jesus. Jesus, the son of God himself, chose to shed all vestiges of his glory and come to earth and be a servant. People treated him like something they scraped off the bottom of their shoe. His Father didn’t force him to come to earth as a man, He chose it. Freely chose to do it. He served those who didn’t appreciate what he was doing. They assumed that because he took a servile position he was beneath them. But they were wrong. Just like my customers are wrong about me. They can’t see who I really am, what I am really worth. The kicker is my knowing it doesn’t make it any easier to face their derision.
Why can’t I be more like Jesus? Why can’t I take the abuse and just serve? Why do I crave recognition for my accomplishments? Why do I want so badly for people to see me as deserving honor and respect? I’m not talking about bowing down here, just an acknowledgement that I am an intelligent, worthwhile human being. I think we all crave this because we are worthy of this. We are made in the image of God. We all have an inherrent dignity because of being human. All of us.
The hard truth is I am just as guilty as my customers. I don’t always treat others the way I want to be treated. As a Christian, as one bought with a price, as one who serves a God who serves, I should be willing, no anxious, to serve. Without thanks, without accolades, just because I am imitating my master. Yet at the same time, because I am a child of the Creator of the Universe I have a place of honor in this world (not to mention the next), even if no one recognizes it or understands it.
What all this means, I don’t know. I have no profound theological point to make. It is merely my own musing. Any thoughts of your own?
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I know my little blog has been sadly neglected for quite awhile and I can’t make any promises that I’ll have much time for it now, but I wanted to at least check in and let my few readers know what’s going on in my life. I think I mentioned that I’m going back to school. Well, it’s kicking my butt! I added up the time I’ve been spending on study and class and it boils down to having a full time job - 8+ hours a day plus some weekend time. Add that to my part time job, one husband, and two children and you get one stressed out little chickadee. I know that this probably describes most people’s lives, but I seem to be one of those folks that can only handle so much on her plate at one time or things get ugly! I have put this blog waaaay down on my list of priorities, below clean bathtubs and dusted lamps, and I’m rethinking the wisdom of that. My family would probably prefer to have clean bathtubs… what am I saying? I have boys, they have absolutely no appreciation for clean anything, not even socks! Anyway, I am going to make an attempt to post a little. Last year my Lenten resolution was to post at least three times a week. I think I will make the same resolution this year, only keeping it to once a week. It’s not that anything profound came out of last year’s posting (it was mostly just quotes from books, which were themselves quite profound), but I think the exercise will do me good.
I have always thought of this blog as a place to put my notes. Random thoughts that interested me, quotes and summaries of books, stories, etc. that would be easy for me to access later. Everything in one place so to speak. But lately a dear friend has been sending people to my blog. People who have questions about the Catholic Church, those who are maybe considering conversion, those who are convinced that we Catholics are going straight to hell in a hand basket, in other words, a variety of people that probably don’t care much about my book summaries and probably even less about my book quotes (although I will never, never stop posting those). I’m not sure that my blog answers any questions, unless of course you are looking to debunk the Dagon the Fish god myth, or need a good pithy look at indulgences. I’m not sure what direction this blog should take. I’m a pretty eclectic person in real life and so this blog will probably always reflect that, but I think that maybe I should post more about the life of a convert. This makes it a bit more personal, but I’ve always struggled to keep the personal out.
This friend of mine owns a fabulous Catholic book and gift store that brings in an interesting mix of people. She thinks I’m a lot smarter than I really am and her sending people she meets in her store to my blog is very humbling. It has also been a wake up call that I have something to say that others might find worthwhile. When I started this blog I never dreamed anyone would read it except for the group of women who “forced” me to start it in the first place. I still have a very small readership (I’m amazed that I have any considering how little I post!). I read their blogs when I started this odyssey of faith and it was very comforting to see that someone had walked this path before me and had survived. But I didn’t think past that.
Another happening that has me thinking contemplative, bloggy, thoughts is my recent appearance on Facebook. I have avoided it until now for many worries, none of which have come to fruition (my insecurities usually come to nothing but I can’t seem to escape them). Something that I didn’t expect - that my old friends would look me up; my old protestant friends. Those folks that knew me from my Calvinist days; those folks who have no idea that I’m now, gasp, a Catholic. I counted myself lucky that my conversion occurred in the midst of two different moves to two different states. That meant that I only had to tell my closest friends, and I knew that although they would think I was nuts they would still love me. Now for the first time, three years later, I’m face to face with the possibility that I’m going to have to stand before the firing squad that I thought I had escaped. Like my other insecurities this will probably amount to nothing too. But is has me thinking. It’s been awhile since I had to “explain myself”. Why did I make this momentous move? How has my life changed? How is it still changing? How has it affected my family? Would I do it again? Am I glad that it happened or do I wish that I was still ignorantly worshipping God the way I did for those good years before, the way my old friends still are? How is my relationship with God different now? For the past three years I have mostly talked about these things with other Catholics and the conversation is much different when you are addressing someone who you know already agrees with your ideas and your choices than with someone who vehemently disagrees.
So that’s where things stand. I have made no decisions, but I’m toying with ideas.
