Take the Long Way Home

I know my little blog has been sadly neglected for quite awhile and I can’t make any promises that I’ll have much time for it now, but I wanted to at least check in and let my few readers know what’s going on in my life. I think I mentioned that I’m going back to school. Well, it’s kicking my butt! I added up the time I’ve been spending on study and class and it boils down to having a full time job - 8+ hours a day plus some weekend time. Add that to my part time job, one husband, and two children and you get one stressed out little chickadee. I know that this probably describes most people’s lives, but I seem to be one of those folks that can only handle so much on her plate at one time or things get ugly! I have put this blog waaaay down on my list of priorities, below clean bathtubs and dusted lamps, and I’m rethinking the wisdom of that. My family would probably prefer to have clean bathtubs… what am I saying? I have boys, they have absolutely no appreciation for clean anything, not even socks! Anyway, I am going to make an attempt to post a little. Last year my Lenten resolution was to post at least three times a week. I think I will make the same resolution this year, only keeping it to once a week. It’s not that anything profound came out of last year’s posting (it was mostly just quotes from books, which were themselves quite profound), but I think the exercise will do me good.

I have always thought of this blog as a place to put my notes. Random thoughts that interested me, quotes and summaries of books, stories, etc. that would be easy for me to access later. Everything in one place so to speak. But lately a dear friend has been sending people to my blog. People who have questions about the Catholic Church, those who are maybe considering conversion, those who are convinced that we Catholics are going straight to hell in a hand basket, in other words, a variety of people that probably don’t care much about my book summaries and probably even less about my book quotes (although I will never, never stop posting those). I’m not sure that my blog answers any questions, unless of course you are looking to debunk the Dagon the Fish god myth, or need a good pithy look at indulgences. I’m not sure what direction this blog should take. I’m a pretty eclectic person in real life and so this blog will probably always reflect that, but I think that maybe I should post more about the life of a convert. This makes it a bit more personal, but I’ve always struggled to keep the personal out.

This friend of mine owns a fabulous Catholic book and gift store that brings in an interesting mix of people. She thinks I’m a lot smarter than I really am and her sending people she meets in her store to my blog is very humbling. It has also been a wake up call that I have something to say that others might find worthwhile. When I started this blog I never dreamed anyone would read it except for the group of women who “forced” me to start it in the first place. I still have a very small readership (I’m amazed that I have any considering how little I post!). I read their blogs when I started this odyssey of faith and it was very comforting to see that someone had walked this path before me and had survived. But I didn’t think past that.

Another happening that has me thinking contemplative, bloggy, thoughts is my recent appearance on Facebook. I have avoided it until now for many worries, none of which have come to fruition (my insecurities usually come to nothing but I can’t seem to escape them). Something that I didn’t expect - that my old friends would look me up; my old protestant friends. Those folks that knew me from my Calvinist days; those folks who have no idea that I’m now, gasp, a Catholic. I counted myself lucky that my conversion occurred in the midst of two different moves to two different states. That meant that I only had to tell my closest friends, and I knew that although they would think I was nuts they would still love me. Now for the first time, three years later, I’m face to face with the possibility that I’m going to have to stand before the firing squad that I thought I had escaped. Like my other insecurities this will probably amount to nothing too. But is has me thinking. It’s been awhile since I had to “explain myself”. Why did I make this momentous move? How has my life changed? How is it still changing? How has it affected my family? Would I do it again? Am I glad that it happened or do I wish that I was still ignorantly worshipping God the way I did for those good years before, the way my old friends still are? How is my relationship with God different now? For the past three years I have mostly talked about these things with other Catholics and the conversation is much different when you are addressing someone who you know already agrees with your ideas and your choices than with someone who vehemently disagrees.

So that’s where things stand. I have made no decisions, but I’m toying with ideas.